steepwithdead | Folkmore

[Peter knows he's being a little defensive, but, it's hard not to be. May and Ben were the only people he had.]

It's not like I really told May about it. She found out when I was like... sixteen, and we had to figure that out together. I didn't want to make her worry about me anymore than she already did.

[A curious look.]

Why did you not tell her? For the same reason, so she wouldn't worry?

Yeah, I thought... if she didn't know, it would be fine. [He's fidgeting with the tea cup absently.] It was actually not fine.

No, I imagine not.

[He folds his hands in his lap.]

I think maybe there's a fundamental misunderstanding for what is normal, so let me ask... is it unusual to have powers of any kind in your world?

It's definitely unusual to have powers. Maybe 4% of people would have powers or decide to be a superhero. [Peter offers back, trying to help. Also being vague because the marvel universe is a mess.] I kind of lucked out I guess.

[....Kiddo,]

Has it brought you joy?

[Was it lucky?]

Yeah, sometimes. [That biscuit is history, he's just finishing it off.] I got to meet a lot of cool people, I met my idol and helped him with a fight in a different country. I like helping people around my neighborhood, making them feel safe.

[Peter can't help but frame it in what he can do for other people. Even now.]

I'm kind of... stepping back though. I really wanted to just be normal for a while, but, it didn't work out exactly.

[More biscuits where that came from.]

What happened?

[He is taking another biscuit, breaking it in half.]

I was pulled into a place like this- [He gestures with the cookie half.] I asked an oracle what my future was like. They showed me my death. My second death, technically.

I just wanted to live. Just for a little while longer.

Your second?

[Caduceus doesn't sound especially surprised, mostly curious. It is admittedly unusual for people to die more than once, but, well. An adventurer's life (or perhaps a "superhero"'s) is just like that.]

Sort of. The way the oracle framed everything... it made it seem like I died a second time. [His life doesn't get any less weird. Peter is glad Cad isn't overly alarmed by it at least.] After I saw what looked like my second death, I thought I needed to step back for a while.

I had died once back home, for five years. I came back, and tried to pick back up on my life. Tried to not be a superhero for a while, but, I kept being dragged into helping by other people.

[Interesting. So he's been revived... it doesn't make the death any easier, but a second chance at life is nothing to shrug at. Certainly can change one's perspective.]

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Dying can leave behind a scar, one that often becomes unseen even after returning to life. It's difficult to go back to normal after the fact, doubly so when it feels as if life is forcing you to do so before you're ready. Those who pushed you should have given you time to heal.

[His tone is soft, sympathetic- perhaps more significantly, understanding. His words are more than guesses.]

Everyone was trying to get back to normal so... [Peter shrugs a little before working on eating his halved biscuit.

The seeming understand does a fair job of making Peter relax a little more. Cad isn't shocked or weirded out at all. The coiled up defensive tension loosens into something more at ease.]

I- um. Went back home briefly, and it's left me feeling weird about a lot of things mostly.

If you're comfortable sharing, it's good to express such thoughts. Putting them into words gets them a little unjumbled, helps you process them better.

[Sure does sound as if he has a lot on his mind.]

[Peter takes a sip of tea, once again just using the lull to ponder.]

I... yeah, it is. [He agrees a bit blandly before pushing on.] My whole world view has been flipped on me, I'm trying to feel better and good again, but, knowing my aunt is dead, and I'm alone back home is scary.

I want to stay here with my boyfriend, and our friends, our family, but I'm afraid I'm going to be taken away again.

[Caduceus hums to acknowledge his words, mulling over them for a bit. It paints a grim picture.]

Have you given yourself space to grieve?

I cried a lot when I got back. Maybe a little after, but.... what else am I supposed to do?

I need to keep moving forward. [he's bad at this.]

Respectfully, you do not. Forcing yourself to move will only make each step harder. Grief is a process. For most people, it isn't something you can shrug off and forget.

I can't just... stop. I need to keep moving. I can't just fall apart.

I've cried enough on people. I'm not doing superhero stuff as much, but, I can't just be- sitting here looking sad. [He says more than a little defensively back.]

[He's unruffled by the defensiveness.]

Do you think those are your only options? There are more than two directions, more than two states of being.

[He's going to just sip his tea.]

I don't know what my options are besides that, since its usually what I do.

How has it worked out for you in the past?

[It's said gently, not accusatory. He's guessing not well, considering his prior answer.]

For... short periods of time, it would. [Peter offers back uncertainly, frowning down at his almost finished tea.]

[He can smell the tea shortage. Caduceus lifts the teapot, offering to top him up.]

It's easy to believe that grief can only be managed in two ways: wallowing in sorrow, or pushing it aside and moving forward. To stagnate or to force yourself. Consider a third option: sideways is a viable direction.

[Expecting that to be questioned, he continues, topping up his own cup.]

People underestimate sideways. The world is always rushing, determined to make the most of every day that comes along. Sideways gives you a bit of space away from a problem, without running from it or burying it. Sideways lets you see things from another angle, shifts your perspective a little. You're still moving, just... slowly.

[Peter gingerly extends the teacup out, wary of somehow dropping it mid-refill. It was his level of luck.

He draws the cup back as Caduceus speaks.] How do you... start doing things sideways then?

[That is not a rejection of the idea, just interest, if not confused interest.]

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