steepwithdead | Folkmore

[Peter gingerly extends the teacup out, wary of somehow dropping it mid-refill. It was his level of luck.

He draws the cup back as Caduceus speaks.] How do you... start doing things sideways then?

[That is not a rejection of the idea, just interest, if not confused interest.]

Well, something like this is a good start. Counselling is a way to process your thoughts and feelings rather than pushing yourself forward before you're ready. You can deal with things in a healthy manner, without stagnating or moving too quickly.

[He swirls his fresh tea around, contemplative.]

There are other ways. Sharing stories about those you've lost, revisiting memories, gradually learning how to measure your loss against the life you still have to live. Focus on the living relationships you have. You honour the dead by living, and loving.

[Peter takes some solace in the fact he apparently took a good first step. Even if he had hemmwed and hawwed about it for... a while.]

I have an adoptive family here, I just... [He trails off, thinking about all the times he's broken down on them, or ruined a mood when a topic got too heavy.]

I don't want to over-do it, I guess. They've had to pick me up more than a few times, and I don't want to make things harder on them.

When they need your support, are you there for them as well?

[Again, not judging or accusatory, just questioning. Some people aren't good at doing that instinctively.]

Yeah, of course. [The answer is immediate, a woosh of breath escaping him.] I try to be there as much as I can, or as much as they need me to be. Sometimes... people don't need the same kind of help.

[His mind briefly drifts back to Leo, a little worry pinching in his expression before he comes back to the moment properly.]

Mmm. [It's an answer he expected. Now comes a difficult question:] Please, think carefully on this, and speak true: has your life in any way been made more difficult, listening to their problems, their grievances, their sorrow?

[He thinks about it, but his answer is still the same.] No. It hasn't been made difficult. Not in a way I couldn't handle if it meant I was making things easier for them. I... I want to be there for the people I love. I'm going to be.

[There's a pause, and Caduceus smiles gently, shaking his head.]

Whether something is difficult, and whether you're willing to endure that difficulty regardless, are two different things. One does not discount the other, and you can acknowledge both without being a bad person.

[That answer didn't require a disclaimer, kiddo.]

Yeah. Sorry. [He just drinks his tea, time to avoid feelings forever. Time for Caduceus to learn Peter will needlessly apologize for everything.]

I prefer helping my friends, and- my family here. I'd rather be good at that then- I dunno. You can't always solve probelms by like- doing superhero stuff for people.

[We'll see if he gets there.]

I'm inclined to agree. People can be saved through magic or powers, but in my experience, it takes no special ability to save someone in the most important ways. Love, and care, and compassion: those are the sort of capabilities that can be used to save the most people in this world.

[Peter is definitely grabbing another biscuit to eat. The teenager finds comfort in just... eating snacks and distracting himself with that as he mulls over his thoughts.] I wish that... was how it worked back home. It just always feels like I have to keep fighting and there isn't any other option.

[Biscuits exist to be eaten, not to look pretty in a basket until they go stale.]

Maybe you think that way because it's what you've always done. Since gaining your powers, you haven't let yourself do anything else. And those around you haven't granted you relief.

I wanted to try other stuff, but... every time I did, it just never worked out. [Peter's mind drifts back to his summer in Europe, to the disaster of being outed as Spider-Man. The drama that caused.] I do really like helping people, I just, wanted to be me.

But I don't- I don't really have a lot of options.

Hmmm.

[Poor kid, really. He's all jumbled up.]

You think you don't have options because you've never been offered them. [It's an obvious observation, considering Peter's response just now.] Tell me, do you have difficulty saying no?

[He will remain jumbled until further notice.]

Well, sometimes, yeah? It depends I guess? [If a bigger louder personality shows up, he will generally fold.] I've gotten better at it recently though?

Indulge me. Give me an example of a yes, and an example of a no.

[There is a pause, which only seems to grow longer as Peter thinks about it.]

Someone offered me coupons and I said no thank you? I didn't even take them either to be polite.

[....

That's... so...]

Do you by chance have a more relevant example?

[He really is scraping the bottom of the barrel in what he's done recently.]

Uh. That felt pretty relevant to me? Those guys can be pretty pushy!

[Good grief. The lack of example sort of speaks for itself.]

Then... how about a yes that made you uncomfortable? Or you felt pressured into?

[Peter is just eating a biscuit, this is fine. With his brief stint back home, his summer trip to Europe almost feels... distant now. In a new way. He becomes a little less flustered as he dwells on this.]

Okay, technically, I said no to this at first. [Good opener, Peter.] Mr. Fury, a guy whose like in charge of superhero stuff, had shown up when I was on a trip for school with my classmates. He was asking me to do superhero stuff instead of staying with my group. I told him no, I just wanted to enjoy my trip. He seemed to accept it.

Then he kinda like... made me and my entire class come with him anyway on this assignment he wanted me to do. He changed the entire trip, so I had to do it.

[That is a good opener, actually, and the rest tells quite the story. An adult figure in Peter's life refusing to accept his choice, manipulating the situation to his favour, forcing Peter's hand. The complete opposite of ideal.]

How did you feel, when he did that?

[The disrespect-]

I was, pretty frustrated? Upset? Disappointed. [He remembers wanting to just feel normal for a few weeks. That was all he really wanted.] My best friend who knows about all of this superhero stuff thought it was cool, so, I kind of just figured I should deal with it.

The two chaperones on the trip didn't ask a lot of questions in the first place about the trip suddenly changing, and I didn't want to tell either of them I'm you know, Spider-Man to tell them why. It was easier to just let Mr. Fury have his way.

[All very valid things to feel when something so unreasonable happens. He nods agreeably. Even his best friend wouldn't support him, an adult who should have accepted his choice and dealt with it as an adult, without relying on a child, forced his hand... he can't think of a worse way to go about things.]

How old were you when that happened? And how old are you now?

I was sixteen, almost seventeen. My birthday was coming up in a month or two then. [Time tends to behave oddly when you're bounced between universes. Peter has given up making ense of it all. ] I'm eighteen now.

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