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[steepwithdead]

"Oh, hey."

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Comments

[heyunderoos]

I wanted to try other stuff, but... every time I did, it just never worked out. [Peter's mind drifts back to his summer in Europe, to the disaster of being outed as Spider-Man. The drama that caused.] I do really like helping people, I just, wanted to be me.

But I don't- I don't really have a lot of options.

[steepwithdead]

Hmmm.

[Poor kid, really. He's all jumbled up.]

You think you don't have options because you've never been offered them. [It's an obvious observation, considering Peter's response just now.] Tell me, do you have difficulty saying no?

[heyunderoos]

[He will remain jumbled until further notice.]

Well, sometimes, yeah? It depends I guess? [If a bigger louder personality shows up, he will generally fold.] I've gotten better at it recently though?

[steepwithdead]

Indulge me. Give me an example of a yes, and an example of a no.

[heyunderoos]

[There is a pause, which only seems to grow longer as Peter thinks about it.]

Someone offered me coupons and I said no thank you? I didn't even take them either to be polite.

[steepwithdead]

[....

That's... so...]

Do you by chance have a more relevant example?

[heyunderoos]

[He really is scraping the bottom of the barrel in what he's done recently.]

Uh. That felt pretty relevant to me? Those guys can be pretty pushy!

[steepwithdead]

[Good grief. The lack of example sort of speaks for itself.]

Then... how about a yes that made you uncomfortable? Or you felt pressured into?

[heyunderoos]

[Peter is just eating a biscuit, this is fine. With his brief stint back home, his summer trip to Europe almost feels... distant now. In a new way. He becomes a little less flustered as he dwells on this.]

Okay, technically, I said no to this at first. [Good opener, Peter.] Mr. Fury, a guy whose like in charge of superhero stuff, had shown up when I was on a trip for school with my classmates. He was asking me to do superhero stuff instead of staying with my group. I told him no, I just wanted to enjoy my trip. He seemed to accept it.

Then he kinda like... made me and my entire class come with him anyway on this assignment he wanted me to do. He changed the entire trip, so I had to do it.

[steepwithdead]

[That is a good opener, actually, and the rest tells quite the story. An adult figure in Peter's life refusing to accept his choice, manipulating the situation to his favour, forcing Peter's hand. The complete opposite of ideal.]

How did you feel, when he did that?

[The disrespect-]

[heyunderoos]

I was, pretty frustrated? Upset? Disappointed. [He remembers wanting to just feel normal for a few weeks. That was all he really wanted.] My best friend who knows about all of this superhero stuff thought it was cool, so, I kind of just figured I should deal with it.

The two chaperones on the trip didn't ask a lot of questions in the first place about the trip suddenly changing, and I didn't want to tell either of them I'm you know, Spider-Man to tell them why. It was easier to just let Mr. Fury have his way.

[steepwithdead]

[All very valid things to feel when something so unreasonable happens. He nods agreeably. Even his best friend wouldn't support him, an adult who should have accepted his choice and dealt with it as an adult, without relying on a child, forced his hand... he can't think of a worse way to go about things.]

How old were you when that happened? And how old are you now?

[heyunderoos]

I was sixteen, almost seventeen. My birthday was coming up in a month or two then. [Time tends to behave oddly when you're bounced between universes. Peter has given up making ense of it all. ] I'm eighteen now.

[steepwithdead]

Just a few years older, and more experienced, in turn. [Every little bit helps.] Pardon my presumption, but humans are considered adults in their own right around that age, are they not?

[heyunderoos]

[Peter nods a little at that.] Yeah, humans consider eighteen year old's adults. Not old enough to like drink, but legally adults for other stuff.

[steepwithdead]

Once you become an adult, it's amazing how little power people have over you, provided you don't allow them any. But when you're on the cusp of it, you have to rework your way of thinking, and utilize the power you have for yourself.

[He pauses, then, with a thoughtful smile,]

It's a great new power, and with it comes the responsibility to take care of you.

[heyunderoos]

[That at least makes Peter pause for a little bit, trying to think it over.] Oh. I... huh.

Is that why we started this by asking if I say 'no'? [Making some connections there, champ.]

[steepwithdead]

More or less. I thought it would be a good way to gauge what stage you're at, when it comes to making decisions for yourself.

[If his starting point is "coupons", he needs a lot more practice.]

[heyunderoos]

I can make a lot of decisions, its just... hard to say 'no' sometimes. [He says a little defensively back, flushing in some embarrassment.]

[steepwithdead]

[Mmmm this kid sure is reflectively defensive a lot.]

Is "sometimes" an accurate description? I can't help noticing that you struggled to think of an example moments ago.

[heyunderoos]

[Peter tries to argue, but can't quite get there.]

...Okay, I, guess its not.

[Even with his need to be defensive, he does understand he doesn't have an actual leg to stand on.] It's more than a sometimes thing. Even if I don't like that very much.

[steepwithdead]

I don't think anyone could blame you for that. It's a rare thing that one would have an unfair situation forced on them and find it pleasant. You're allowed to be upset, and you're allowed to object to that kind of treatment.

sorry, this bitch got problems

[heyunderoos]

[Peter is quiet for a long moment, just thinking over Cad's words. A uncomfortable kind of bitterness fills his chest. He hates himself for it. He shouldn't be bitter. He doesn't deserve to be angry about it.]

You say that, but, a lot of people blamed me for a lot of things. I couldn't say no a lot of the time because I needed to be a hero, and help people. [Peter laughs a little bitterly at that. He remembers the heckling, the abuse, the anger from the public. From his classmates, from his teachers.]

I... [He sighs, trying to figure out how to phrase any of it. He seems intent to just let it drop entirely until he finds his voice. It is a bit wobbly, nervous, sharply unhappy in a way that speaks of how he's set everything side to just keep moving.] Got accused of murdering someone, this guy who was trying to wipe out an entire city, Quentin Beck. He had tricked people into trusting him, pretended he was a hero. He had tricked me too, until I realized what he was doing. He revealed who I was to everyone, made it seem like I killed him and the people he did kill.

People suddenly knew who I was, like, every single person in the world.

Have you ever had every single person you know look at you differently? Try to figure out if you were a murderer? Want you to go to jail for something you didn't do? Decide to punish you publicly for it anytime they saw you?

My aunt, and my friends knew I didn't do it, but, I ruined their lives. [There is a deep anger there, simmering under the surface before it is forcibly put out by Peter himself.

He is just eating another biscuit, forcing himself to shove everything back in place. He smooths over, just settling back on tired.]

bitch gotta talk about 'em

[steepwithdead]

[Caduceus watches him quietly for a little while, listening to every word, scrutinizing the shift in his expression in silence. It's a lot to take in, of course.]

I can't say that I have. I've witnessed many an injustice, experienced a few firsthand. People imprisoned unfairly, families and towns and forests destroyed through no fault of their own. Lives stolen, memories altered. Your suffering is unique and cruel, but you're not alone. Part of our nature is to endure, in spite of the hand we're dealt. Some say it makes us stronger, that suffering. I've never held to that belief.

[It is, as he'd told a bitter and horrible old man many months before now, inconsequential. Broken bones don't come back stronger. It is through mending and time that grants strength.

He takes a long, slow sip of his tea, his expression ponderous. He'd seen something important just then. Finally:]

How long have you been burying that anger, Peter?

[Because it's obvious, it's palpable. Teenagers feel emotions so strongly, they're not built to be diminished. Perhaps he lacks an outlet, perhaps it's been left unexplored for too long. But it exists, and based on what he's witnessing here and now, it's unhappy to be smothered.]

[heyunderoos]

I've always thought, hope would carry us through anything. Even when things are bleak. You just keep standing up. Suffering doesn't make you stronger, hope does? [He offers simply enough, fidgeting with the tea cup in his grasp.

The anger is smoothed over, pressed firmly back into place. Peter's expression is back to something calmer but tired.]

[He opens his mouth, and closes it. His teeth click together audibly.] I dunno. I just- I'll be fine.