steepwithdead | Folkmore

[Caduceus studies him again, more briefly this time. He's doing a decent job of masking it, but he's too young, and Cad's done this too many times before.]

Hope helps. For me, it's always been love that saves people. [Hope is an offshoot of love, though, a blanket to wear around that endless fire.] Here's another thing I believe, wholeheartedly. You will be fine, someday. You'll learn and grow and be loved enough by your family, and even your own self, that this too will pass. But I also believe that when that moment comes depends a lot on you, and how honest you're willing to be with yourself and those around you.

[Peter finds himself going quiet again, his gaze dropping aside again.]

Would... being angry be more honest? That'd be better?

[It is a hesitant question, a little scared of what that would entail.]

If you're angry and pretending you're not, then yeah, that's dishonest. Which, fair enough, there are people you don't want to share that anger with. But if you're lying to yourself or those who'd help you if they knew, that's like drinking a slow poison. You won't get better. It'll just hurt you when you least expect.

[In the long run, it won't be better. His tone is not accusatory, just matter-of-fact. He's seen this enough to know there are few exceptions. The truth will always come out.]

[Peter at least doesn't try to avoid the topic or be defensive. He just slumps into himself, picking at the hem of his sleeve.]

I nearly killed someone last time I was angry. I'm afraid of being that. [He says it plainly, a little afraid to admit it.] I'm supposed to be a hero, how can I be like this?

[Caduceus hums at that, not exactly unbothered (such an admission isn't one to be easily dismissed, and Peter is young, so maybe he's not killed before) but not especially judgmental of the admission, either. In the world he hails from, it truly is kill or be killed sometimes. His hands aren't clean. To kill in a rage, however...]

In my experience, to be a hero doesn't mean you never kill. There are times when death must come to someone who would harm many others. Being a hero is knowing when to strike and when to stay your hand.

[He levels Peter with a steady look, and smiles gently.]

Managing your anger in the heat of the moment takes time, and practice. Managing it in the aftermath, to start, is a little easier. You learn one, and it transitions into the other. Can I walk you through a few techniques that may help you?

Yeah- I... yeah. [He sighs, stalling out on his usual need to assure the man he doesn't kill. It won't really help in the moment.] Being a hero means making a lot of choices that aren't always the ones you want.

Please, can you? I feel kind of, not sure what I'm even doing anymore.

Of course. There's different methods, and they work differently for everyone. It's good to learn a handful so you can suss out what helps and what doesn't.

[Caduceus fusses with the little shrine beneath the tree for a moment, lighting a fresh incense stick, allowing a subtle, wooden spice filter into their immediate area.

Once that's settled, he walks Peter through several ways of managing his emotions: breathing exercises, mental separation, affirmations, meditation, non-violent physical activities. It's a broad variety of simple, easy-to-remember yet generally effective routes. Eventually he finishes with,]

There's others, but best not to overwhelm. Next time you feel truly angry about your situation, try a few, see if it helps. If it doesn't, we can look into something else. What do you think?

[The slow rise of the scent of the incense does a fair job of making Peter loosen up a bit more.

He listens intently Caduceus walks him through a few exercises. At least one breathing exercise he's sort of aware of. Everything else is new, or distantly familiar in a way. It is still better than Peter's usual option of ignoring the problem.]

I think that'd be good. I'll try these as needed and see what works best. Since, its a lot of options, but not a crazy amount.

[Caduceus nods approvingly. Good job, Peter, you're getting somewhere.]

Sometimes it's good to work through these exercises with a partner, someone to ground you and keep you on track. If you have trouble on your own, try it with someone else. Rue, your boyfriend, a friend you trust. You can come back to see me and we can work through it again together, if you like. My door is always open to you.

[Peter finds himself unintentionally echoing that nod back at Caduecus as he listens.]

I'll work on using these, have someone with me to help. I know if I don't, I well... won't do some of them. [Look, he's being honest, even with his guilty fidgeting.]

Thank you. I'm probably going to [he nearly says 'bother' before reframing it.] text you again to see when you're free.

[He'll accept the honesty for what it is, quiet but glad for it, with a sincere smile.]

I look forward to hearing from you again. I hope it all helps.

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