steepwithdead | Folkmore

[Leonardo had been cagey before, so as much as he wants to, Caduceus refrains from asking what exactly this problem is.

Instead he lifts Leo's shirt off his shoulder and holds it up so the turtle can slip back into it more easily than wrestling one-armed. He's here right now, so he can help. In his experience, an extra hand is always useful, even for something you can do on your own.]

There will come a day when he'll be able to hear you again. [That isn't always the case. But these two have been together for long enough, been through enough, that he has confidence this is temporary.] But for right now you're within your rights to be angry and upset with him, and you don't need to smother that. Feel what you feel, so once it's time to reconcile, you won't explode with it all at once.

[The assistance with getting the shirt back on surprises Leo, but he gladly accepts the help. It earns a brief smile, before it's extinguished again.

He needs a moment to pull his thoughts back together into something coherent.] I know you're right. He'll come back.

I just needed him, and he didn't come. Casey needed him, and he's not here. I thought he'd want to be with us. He died, and I mourned him, and it doesn't feel like it matters to him.

I'm sure it matters. It usually does in some way, even if the shape of it is different.

[He shifts to his bag, unloading the handful of grocery supplies he'd picked up while he was out, to keep his hands busy. He's here to help and feed Leonardo, after all.]

As you said, he died. And we both know there's complicated feelings wrapped up in that. Everyone grieves differently, especially when the grief is for your own self. You both need to figure out how to meet in the middle with it.

[That part takes time. So much more time than you want it to.]

[Leonardo just releases a heavy sigh. The weight of an old grief pressing down on him as he tries to find his voice again. Donnie was so damn resolute about his stupid plan. That hadn't changed. Not as far as Leo knew.]

If he meets me in the middle. He's as stubborn as I am.

I know- he was struggling too. [He has to acknowledge that. Donnie hated being sick, thrashed against it like someone being swept away by the tides. A useless fight as forces so much bigger than you swallowed you whole.] He was sick, something none of us could cure. An illness that was slowly killing him. He chose to go on a suicide mission and die fighting, rather than just... be with us when he couldn't keep going.

[Leonardo is deluding himself, just a little. Desperate to think there are false positives still. Clinging to the idea even if it is a delusion, a comfortable lie to keep himself calm.

He rubs at his face, trying to shake it off. He doesn't try to pretend for Caduceus. Not seeing a point. The firbolg would see through it.]

Sorry, this is- depressing. Yeesh.

[Caduceus shakes his head. It is depressing, sure, yes. That's natural, considering the topic. But he's not here just to cheer the other up or bring food.]

You don't have to get into it if you really don't want to. But don't think that you need to stay cheerful for me, either. These things need to be talked about. [He's mentioned this before; they need to be discussed before he bursts. And it's best for these conversations to be shared with adults, lest he accidentally burst with one of the children.

He steps past Leonardo and grabs one of the table chairs, setting it in the corner of the kitchen.]

Come on, sit down. You're supposed to be resting. We can talk while I make you lunch.

[He does move to sit down, be it a bit heavily. Releasing a whoosh of a breath.] If I was trying to force myself to be cheerful, you'd know immediately and probably throttle me.

[Its an easy enough reflex to pull on the Commander persona. Leonardo hates how almost comforting it is for the moment he's letting himself fall back into it. He's had to snap that mask on so many times to press his own feelings aside for the greater good. It is always an act. A projection of what people expected of him. What people needed from him. He was always a good liar; he knew how to twist things to where he needed them. Pulling himself into a new shape wasn't the hardest thing to do.

It was just uncomfortable when it became to who he was all the time. It became harder to stop being This. Even then, it was a comfort to be someone else for a while. Each loss only made it easier to dig into that persona and let it be him. Just for a while longer.

Even with being down an arm and openly tired-looking, Leonardo is able to sit up rigidly straight. Shoulders squared, head held up high, his expression settling into something confident and overly heroic. He is able to smooth away anything troubled or outwardly tired to appear like he was ready to lead. Commander Leonardo always has everything perfectly in control.

It would almost be believable if Caduesus wasn't aware of who Leonardo was under the surface.]

Nothing to worry about, Caduceus. I'm perfectly fine and not having any issues. I'll have a heroic speech cooked up in just a second.

[And he drops the act and slumps back into the chair with a wave of his hand. The act dropped completely like it had never happened. Ah, coping mechanisms.] A little obvious, I think, if I tried that.

[He rubs at his face a little tiredly.]

The whole damn thing is a mess. It just keeps getting messier.

Edited 2025-10-11 17:51 (UTC)

[Oh boy, that... sure was a performance. And it's a good thing it was a performance, because, well.]

You're right, I would have liked to throttle you a little for that one. [Or at least tossed one of the blocks of cheeses he's pulling out of his bag at a certain turtle's head. Instead, he peacefully continues unpacking.] Still, at least now I know what to look for.

[Should Leonardo some day try to feed him what most of his friends back home would call "the bullshit", his insight checks are rollin' with advantage. You just played yourself, 'Nardo.]

Terminal illnesses are a different kind of monster than dying in battle or from some sudden accident. All deaths are painful in some form, but the creeping manner of a long sickness is like bleeding out, or drowning too deep. You feel it coming, yet can do nothing. The helplessness of it kills almost as painfully as the illness itself. That is something not easily shaken, and it curls around everyone involved, not just the one who's sick.

Hey, I won't stop you from throttling me if you must. I'm not exactly feeling particularly great anyway. Why not add to it? [He's now kind of wondering why he wants to put the act back on. It's an uncomfortable kind of realization he's having.

It is better than the discomfort of realizing he's just played his hand to a man he's romantically interested in. He cracked his facade for Usagi just as fast. Though the circumstances are wildly different.]

I wish he could understand that. The day he left, he made it pretty clear our opinions didn't matter. He still acts like it doesn't matter now. That he's fine and we should all just not worry about him ever.

I'm not too sure how far my hands would reach around, so you're safe for now.

[His fingers are long, yes, but this fella's thick. Turtle muscles aplenty. Anyway, he's not a violent person by nature, unless it's called for. Right not it really isn't, so moot point regardless.

He's raiding the kitchen for pots, pans, and equipment for cooking now, look at him go.]

He's likely telling himself he's fine right alongside telling you. Trying to convince himself he's fine, because the alternative is frightening. If he can make you believe he's fine, perhaps he'll believe it as well.

For now. [He agrees with a weak amused huff. He watches Caduceus shift through things. He wants to get up and help, but is aware he'll just be told to sit back down.]

He is stubborn enough to believe it, or at least triple down on it. I tried- every angle I could to just get him to listen. He just won't.

If he won't listen to arguments, you'll only frustrate yourself by fighting. He'll dig his heels in.

[Much as he would love to fight and fight and fight with the people he knew who kept making terrible choices, it only made things worse.]

It's a difficult thing to swallow, I know. Your heart is driven to help him the way you know best, and what you want for him is better than his self-isolation. But pushing him too hard will just push him further away. He isn't ready to be helped.

You'd think I'd have learned that by now. [He muses with a shake of his head. It's hardly the first time he and Donnie have circled each other like this, arguing. This just hurts worse, since there isn't anything any of them can do.]

I don't know when he'll ever be ready to hear us out.

He may never. You can keep the door open for him, keep trying. Tell him how you feel, that you miss and support him. And you can hope. But you can't suspend your life for him, either.

It feels a lot easier said than done. I thought after everything he'd want to stick around. [This whole situation just... sucks. Leonardo is struggling to not just tell Cad or be frustrated at Donnie.]

Are you sure I can't help? [he's trying to not dwell on all of this by being useful.]

I'm sure you can, but I'd prefer you rest. Stay where you are.

[He sets a pot to boil for noodles, and begins to spice and bread some breasts of meat. (He's making chicken parmesan.)]

He may want to stick around, but only on his terms. Have you asked him what those terms would be? What does he want?

Alright, alright, I'm staying seated. [He promises, trying to not fidget from feeling so useless.

He needs... a moment to think about it.]

Same thing he said before, 'it's my health, not yours. It's not your concern'. I... [This isn't saying anything that bad, right? He just covers his face with a hand, physically hunching into himself. He wishes he could still go into his shell.] He and Casey did tests to check if he was still sick, and they had false positives. Donnie just- never told me. He insisted it's fine, but- I don't know anymore.

[Caduceus pauses, hearing that, and glances over his shoulder at Leo in concern.]

...Are you certain they're actually false?

[This whole avoidance thing is starting to sound suspiciously more like an active problem versus past trauma.]

[Leonardo just looks tired, unfocused.] That's what he kept insisting. He doesn't want help, there is nothing to worry about.

It doesn't feel that way anymore.

[That... brings a great deal of context to what Leonardo must be feeling- indeed, what they're all feeling right now. Why Casey's been "too busy", why he hasn't seen the brother in his tree as often, why Leonardo looks so weary and stressed. Caduceus is quiet for a long moment, keeping his hands busy putting the noodles in the water and the meat in a pan to simmer. He washes his hands.

Then he steps over to Leonardo, bending down to be at his level, and his arms spread.]

Hug?

[It takes him a second to snap back into himself. The offer softens his expression at the edges. A dam is cracking, and he's trying to keep it together. The denial, the delusion of his brother not being sick again, is starting to break down again. Leonardo isn't sure if he can handle that.]

Please. [His voice warbles on a single word. He would be embarrassed if he wasn't going in for that hug.]

Edited 2025-10-13 04:28 (UTC)

[No hesitation at all. Caduceus' arms go around Leonardo, and while he's quite slender for a firbolg, his limbs are long, and he can easily reach around to the whole shell and give a good, firm hug. He's still mindful of not pressing too roughly on the still-healing plastron, masterfully toeing the line between too light and too hard.

It is a really, really good hug.]

[It is very much a really good hug. Enough of one that Caduceus can feel Leonardo go from stiff and uncomfortable from the conversation to relaxing into the hold. Tension fading from his shoulders, dropping away entirely from his stance. He holds onto Cad the best he can with that arm, just breathing shakily out.

Whenever Caduceus breaks away, the turtle is wiping his eyes a little with his one hand. Making a face as he peels his mask off to drop it on the table.]

[Caduceus doesn't comment on the tears, but he lingers close for a few moments after, keeping his hand on Leo's shoulder.]

There we go. Deep breaths. You're okay, Leo.

[He takes in one breath, then another. Each getting shakier instead of calmer. Tears finally do escape, rolling across the red markings under his eyes.

Being this vulnerable is strange, almost uncomfortable. It would be easier to hide from it.

He just doesn't want to. He can't. He's so tired of trying to crush everything down.]

I'll... I'll be okay soon enough.

Doesn't have to be right now.

[He can take his time with it. Ideally, time is something he has right now.]

Hey. Why don't you come and stay with me?

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every time that icon comes out you know shit's real

Never meant for that icon to be the 'shits real' icon, yet here we is

"goin thru it", the iconic face

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this icon makes its GRAND return

permanently tired, this poor man

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