steepwithdead | Folkmore

[Caduceus doesn't show any indication of surprise or disturbance at her words; safe to say the topic of Leo, or his sacrifice, or both, has come up before. April can consider herself spared from trying to explain unless she wants to discuss her own feelings on the matter.

As for Donnie...]

Mm... yes, I'm aware. Casey missed one of our meetings, and when he came back he had quite a lot to say. [He sips at his tea, then adds meaningfully,] He gave me permission to discuss whatever I felt was relevant, with you.

[It's very obvious that April has a lot of trust; it's also important for April herself to know that he doesn't go around spilling the tea (hah) about these meetings without express permission first.]

I'm not privy to the manner of his passing. [Casey didn't know that part.] But it sounds as if he felt pushed into a singular solution of his own, and wasn't able to budge from it or seek help.

[Oh, Casey said that, huh? ~~How convenient~~ It's useful to hear, though she doesn't want to cross the therapy streams if she can help it, so she just crooks a small smile of appreciation before she lets it fall.]

You know what's fun? I don't know how he died either. He just said he messed up. I'm guessin' from what Raph said it was some kinda backlash from his... portal or whatever, but I don't know. I just woke up and he was dead. [She pauses to bite into one of those honey biscuits with perhaps more gusto than necessary, but.]

...you're right, though. But that's kind of a pattern lately. Everyone with their own singular solutions.

[Another thoughtful hum. Sometimes not knowing is a blessing. Sometimes it makes things more difficult to get over. It's a conundrum.]

In your opinion, how has he been since it happened? Do you think he may be more willing to work together and communicate with you and your family, or is this behaviour likely to continue? It's alright if you don't know.

[Someone showing the capacity to learn from their mistakes can go a long way to alleviating the fear and anger of bad behaviour. Of course, it requires action, not just empty words, but it's a start.]

[She gives it some due thought while she finishes her biscuit, though she's more or less certain of her answer already--just running it through her own mind first. And not speaking with her mouth full, it's polite.]

He says he's sorry. And he is, but it's about the wrong thing. Not goin' behind our backs to put himself at risk. Not kidnapping people. He's sorry that it failed and he couldn't get us home.

So in my opinion, he feels humbled and like he messed up-- again, on the wrong thing-- and will play nice for a long while now, but it's because he knows we're upset and because he feels bad that he failed. So... I dunno. I hope dyin' was enough of a shock, but I can see him doin' something equally boneheaded again eventually.

I'm sure he must feel guilty about that self-perceived failure. It's easy to justify doing the wrong thing for the right reasons. But if the "right reason" falls through, you're only left with that "wrong thing" you did, seemingly for no reason.

[No one can really determine what's right or wrong for you; if he doesn't think it was wrong, that can't be forced on him. But if in the end nothing happened except his death and a whole lot of anger and hurt...]

It's a simple reality that none of us can make someone do or not do something, or be less boneheaded. I'm sure you already know that. [She seems to have a good head on her shoulders.] If him doing something foolish is inevitable, then that's the reality we'll all have to deal with. But has he taken to heart the lesson of not doing it alone again?

[...and that is the million dollar question. She's quiet a long moment.]

I don't know. [She looks down at her hands.]

I hope so.

I hope so, as well.

[Someone making the same mistake, over and over. You hate to see it.]

We can hope and support as much as we're able, but we can't neglect ourselves, either. Much like in battle or emergencies, if we're not in a good state, we can't effectively help others. [Something lots of people really ought to remember better, in his experience.] You can't change someone if they're determined to behave foolishly. You can advise and educate, but that's not the same thing. So it's good to focus on what you can change and control: your anger, and your helplessness.

Yeah, I figure. [Her grin is weak, but hey, it's there.] Kinda why I'm here, to be honest. I can't nag anyone else into therapy if I'm not dealin' with my own issues first.

Casey did say you were the smart one.

[Book intelligence is one thing, but you're likely to fall into a hole if you walk around with your nose in books all the time.]

I'll tell you what I've told others: anger's a seed that gets planted. If you give it what it needs, it'll grow into something better than what it started out as. If it just stays buried underground, it'll rot and spoil the ground around it. So, first... do you have effective ways you normally cultivate your anger, or have they not been doing any good if yes, and shall we brainstorm some new ideas?

[...uh.]

Hard to say. I mean, normally I'd just hit bad guys at home, but I never had cause to get so angry there as I do here. And there's like... a distinct lack of bad guys.

[Why don't we have two bit villains of the week here? It's criminal. Or wait, it's not criminal. God.]

...Ah. Hm.

[That's... a good point, actually. Lots of people find channeling aggression through (healthy, acceptably-targeting) violence cathartic in some way. But the handful of places within Folkmore that allows for it tend to be wild animals or monsters, such as Cruel Summer or Exile. Both have environmental issues on top of the danger, and he's against people hunting wild animals just for the sake of killing them.

But then there's... oh.]

I might know of a place. I can show you, but you'd have to agree not to go there on your own. There is some danger involved.

[Blink. There is definite interest there.] How dangerous?

[Though the girl does have common sense, so--] I won't go there on my own. I happen to know a buncha guys who'd be more than happy to go with me.

I thought you might. [Very close-knit family, here. He appreciates it, honestly.] I would say it's no more dangerous than the beasts you'd find roaming around this world. It's a gym in town that manifests fake monsters to practice fighting against. They keep coming endlessly, so there's no shortage of targets. You simply leave when you've had your fill. I believe Casey's familiar with it as well.

[something something he adopted that one too after Akechi left]

And he didn't tell me? [Wow, rude.] Man, I would've thought there'd be this huge fuss about a place like that. There was for everything else.

[Yeah, she's assuming it's a Thirteen installation like the arcades and such. She's absolutely going either way.]

Until recently, it was, ah. Privately owned. That's probably why.

[Cut him just a little slack, he lost a friend or something. It sure hadn't been Caduceus' priority when Akechi vanished.]

[Blink.]

...that implies someone had a gym that just summons monsters back home. Huh. [Which is about all the attention she pays to that, people come from weird as hell places.] This person's gone home now, I take it? Think they'd mind?

Well, I can only guess. But I think he would approve of it getting this sort of use. He was very... passionate.

[Channelling anger in the monster murder gym is right up his alley of interests. Yes, Caduceus is pretty confident that Akechi wouldn't mind this.]

I can get behind passionate. Gimme the details and I'll check it out? [...throwing up a lil scout's salute.] With big, beefy company.

Certainly.

[Cue some directions to the shadow gym location, woo.]

That may help with channeling some of the anger. Helplessness, however... that one's far more tricky. You can't control others, only yourself, but when the issue isn't your behaviour but theirs, your hands are more tied. When it comes to the most recent situation - and please trust me when I say this is not meant to place blame on you - looking back and with the power of foresight, is there anything you'd have done differently?

[Oh, we're back to the therapy part. The disappointment is sort of there and gone before she squares her shoulders for the question--and then promptly wilts.

Because ahaha. The guilt game is strong in this equation.]

I wanna say yes. Because, y'know, foresight. Like... been in his space a lot more and tried to stop him from obsessing and maybe getting to the point he did? But I don't know-- like even with the warning signs, the whole kidnapping spree and self destruction was just...

...really out there. [But that wasn't the question. With foresight. But she doesn't think she'd have been anything but blindsided by the kidnapping supervillainy. So she searches for something she could have or would have done and comes up blank. There might have been something, but trying to think of it just...kind of rams her into the giant trauma wall of Donnie did fucking what.]

We needed to be there for him more. Maybe it wouldn't ever have got to that part if we could get him to open up to us, but he's... real good at not doing that.

They all are.

[gurl you came to him for help he's gonna try to do a good job!!

He nods along, reading between the lines somewhat. Some of it's new, some of it he's heard before, in bits and pieces.]

This sort of thing tends to dig deep into people, and it's easy to get caught up in the what-ifs and the maybes. It's good to revisit, think about how, if things were different, or if there was a next time, what could any of us do instead of what we did? Sometimes the answer is nothing. But even one little thing could make it better. [He lifts a hand.] The important difference is that this is taking responsibility, not blame. All of your efforts could have changed nothing. What others do, whether or not they share their thoughts and feelings, that isn't your fault. You hold only the responsibility to be as good a friend as you can, and to call out the behaviour of those you love, if they need it.

Hmm.

[If she had any fault in this, it was probably giving Donnie far too much free rein; maybe she could have hauled him up. It doesn't help that part of her decision to let him just kind of work it out of his system was she wanted to go home.

But Donnie has also been notoriously hard to divert in the past when he gets obsessed with something.]

I probably won't ever know, but tellin' myself that doesn't make it easier. But I do feel like it won't happen again. Not here. [Her smile is tiny and lopsided.] I mean... definitely not the kidnappin' thing, but lettin' him get so far as to think anything like that is acceptable or his only choice or whatever...

Honestly, he needs way more help than I do. [Because kidnapping was one hell of a jump, but she remembers the panic attack, and she's willing to bet it's not the only one. It's just the only one she's witnessed.]

I imagine so. [It makes sense that the people with the most troubles need the most help. Downside being they're usually the ones who resist it the most, too.] We can work on that. We cannot neglect ourselves, but if many of our fears and worries stem from others, it can make a big difference in our own lives when they are stable. You help them, they help you, you know?

Yeah. And he's helped a lot in the past, so I'm tryin' to help back, but... different kinds of help I guess. [Also his help has been unwarranted and unwanted at points in the past, but it's the thought that counts. Probably. Stop hacking into her grades, Donnie.]

I wanna make sure I'm okay and kinda there if they need me, and I don't wanna take my stress out on them because that helps nobody at all.

Hmm. You are... the big sister, aren't you?

[Remembering some of the things he'd heard before, from Casey but also the others here and there.]

The pressure on an older sibling can be awfully intense.

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