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[steepwithdead]

"Oh, hey."

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[steepwithdead]

That's excellent. Have you told him that, by any chance?

[i_am_emmet]

I don't think he would believe me. Ingo seems to think I want him fresh out of the box again, yup.

[steepwithdead]

Hmm. Call it stating the obvious, but he certainly won't know otherwise unless you say so.

[i_am_emmet]

He counters with things along the lines that I don't know what I want.

[steepwithdead]

That's awfully short-sighted of him. You're twins, are you not? A full-grown adult.

[As far as Caduceus can tell anyway (human ages can get a little wonky when you live a lot longer but he looks grown), and with all memories, besides.]

Plenty of life experience to know what you want.

[i_am_emmet]

Yup and, more like because when we first met again I spent a lot of time on my 'best behavior'. Trying to lean into what he would prefer. Like food wise and stuff.

[steepwithdead]

[Hmm. About that.]

I have a question. Did you start acting more like yourself before or after he regained a new memory?

[i_am_emmet]

Before. We had to have a few tiffs before getting that far though.

[steepwithdead]

Do you suppose one might have something to do with the other?

[i_am_emmet]

The tifs were about Ingo thinking, and being correct, I was being fake. Yup. So I worked on that.

[steepwithdead]

Ah, I meant- is it possible that you showing to him your true self may have contributed to him regaining his lost memory.

[i_am_emmet]

Not a clue because brains are weird.

[steepwithdead]

[Caduceus laughs.]

That is fair! Perhaps something to think about, however. If they are related, you continuing to be yourself may revive more memories in him.

back from self-care month

[i_am_emmet]

I've been trying. Its not easy to reprogram yourself from thinking something bad was all your fault.

welcome back!

[steepwithdead]

Oh, no, it's never easy. Knowing what you must do is very different from doing it consistently. That's why it's important to remind yourself often.

[And have other people remind you too, here and there.]

[i_am_emmet]

[Silence for a moment, looking down at the mug.]

It's hard not too though. To think if you could reinvent yourself to be better. Be more kind and stuff, yup.

[The words feel weird in his mouth, but Ingo wanted him to talk to this person, so he should!]

[He was having to actively remind himself though.]

[steepwithdead]

Mm. May I ask, why you think that it could have been your fault?

[i_am_emmet]

Because, isn't that the best case scenario when someone suddenly disappears?

[He says this with a brightness that could almost be compared to lemons. Bright- but bitter]

After all, then they are safe. So after eight years of pondering this and finding out no, that isn't what happened - hard to change your brain overnight. Brains are weird, yup.

[steepwithdead]

I can't say I've thought of it that way. Having heard it, though, I can understand why you would.

[His situation is different. Perhaps it's easier, when those who vanish told you they were leaving ahead of time. Easier to believe they were consumed by the world, rather than they didn't want to come home to you.]

You still feel guilty for his disappearance, despite knowing the truth?

[i_am_emmet]

Yup, because brains are weird.

[He pointed out.]

It makes the rules, I just follow them.

[steepwithdead]

Hmm. Rules can be broken, though.

[i_am_emmet]

That is very hard to do. I have beem trying to.

[steepwithdead]

It is, yes. Sorry, I don't mean to lecture. It's meant to be encouragement. I'm sure you'll get there.

[i_am_emmet]

[He sighs a little.]

It feels like people expect me to just flip a switch in my brain, yup. 8 years after all.

[steepwithdead]

Don't be afraid to tell people to adjust their expectations of you. You have a right to change at your own pace. You're not obligated to change at all- while it is healthy to be yourself, you can be whomever you wish to be, publicly or privately, and to anyone you wish.