Caduceus Clay (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
steepwithdead) wrote2026-12-24 07:17 pm
steepwithdead) wrote2026-12-24 07:17 pm
Folkmore | IC Contact
"Oh, hey."
| voice | video | text | action |
You can also hit up his Counselling Post if you prefer!
"Oh, hey."
| voice | video | text | action |
You can also hit up his Counselling Post if you prefer!
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[One diamond! Wait is that the lesson to be learned here? It's put aside, probably not important, as a bit of trivia to annoy the scientists with later on. Some people claimed there could be no value placed on a life, but absolutely there apparently was.]
... I've asked. She seemed to feel it was better that I master it and accept that I am a disease instead of seeking to be free of it, as it's part of my greatest potential.
[Cad's suggestion has already been taken! He has no scorn or suspicion for Thirteen, he's imminently grateful to the Fox for all this place offered him. Even if it sometimes wasn't great. He's already made that step, and Cloud's absolute rejection of the idea isn't his own.
But Thirteen was here to make them the best they could be - not necessarily what they wanted to be.]
And in a way she'd be right. I've heard of the things I can accomplish with it, when I am a fully grown monster instead of a fumbling juvenile. Before the recent ruination of Folkmore, I was making some efforts at practice, but I don't want to know how. It's not comfortable, it's not fun, it's repugnant. I just..
[Want a normal life.]
...Would rather not.
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Sir. Sir. You did not just.
Okay, look, the rest of what Sephiroth said is important. He'll get there. He's great at circling back around. But there's absolutely no way he can let that slide. Such misconceptions should not be ignored.]
Please don't misunderstand. The price of a life is not the cost of what is used to bring someone back. It's a catalyst, a way of channeling power. In the grand scale of things, it is nothing. If you are starving and someone offers you the cheapest gruel, your life is not the value of a single copper.
[Life doesn't have a price. It truly is the logic of a child.]
Tell me: why do you think you came back?
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A bowl of gruel would not return the dead to life, surely.
At least, for all that he's terribly perplexed, Sephiroth seems to understand he's misstepped somewhere by how careful he is with his response.]
Specifically just recently? Because you got there before Thirteen or the virus did..?
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[He supposes he should have expected such a technical, clinical answer. Can't be angry if it's what he knows. Children repeat what they are taught.]
You're thinking about this in a way that can be calculated, measured. A price to be paid. A diamond for a life. [He fishes another diamond from his bag and places it in Sephiroth's palm.] There, you have a diamond. Can you save someone's life, now? Reverse death?
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As I am now, no. I lack the knowledge to utilize the spells you possess and I don't know if it's teachable. But I could offer you the diamond and ask you to in my stead, should someone die.
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[It can't be studied, it's not an objective thing. But he's vaguely sure this too may be a different answer than Caduceus wants.]
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[If it's not objective, don't state it like an objective fact, kidlet.]
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Yes.
[It absolutely is.]
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Anyway.]
...Regardless, it's fair to not want to do something unpleasant or difficult. To have an easier and faster solution does feel better, in the moment, and to pursue it likely also feels right. I wouldn't want to discourage you from freeing yourself from that aspect of your being if it is something you so dislike. However, the temporary alternative of learning to control it, until a safe and healthy solution is found, is one you should still keep trying. For your sake, and for those you don't want to control even by accident.
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There is a certain obvious danger in this circumstance, that doing so may only make me stronger, not more capable, in the short term. Continuing practice may make it harder to resist.
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Cad's expression softens considerably at that comment, and his voice gentles alongside it.]
When dealing with complicated situations like this, there are times when it comes down to following the path you have available to you, and trusting those around you to pull you back if you fall off track or lose your way. You are not as alone as you might think you are.
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I've... been told that before. And I know it's well intentioned.
[Sephiroth has no doubts people mean it!]
But I can't bear the thought of hurting someone I care about while they put themselves accidentally or deliberately in the line of fire. There's so few. I don't want to lose any of them. I know it sounds foolish, that I should trust in them and so on, but that .. it won't make anything better if things go wrong. When they go wrong, everyone learning makes mistakes. In a training hall, you wear padded armor, you blunt the weapons, you have medics on hand in case something stupid happens, but with this?
[He knows it sounds paranoid, it sounded that way to himself. Fear wasn't .. always rational, but this isn't something fourteen year olds usually have to contend with.]
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Hmm.
[All of that sounds incredibly responsible, which is all well and good- respectable, even. If not for one very critical thing.]
If I may, and let me say first that this is not meant to disrespect you or rile you up. I mean it with the best of intentions. But has anyone taken a moment to remind you that you are still a child?
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[He can't afford to think that way. Why waste time with impossibility?]
I know what you intend by saying so, sir, but I am a weapon, designed for singular purpose. I will never be anything else.
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Is that what you truly believe, or what you've been told?
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I know what you want me to say. It's alright. We all have to be something. And I can choose what I'm aimed at, unlike a sword, though I would like to minimize the unintentional damage I do.
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Let me be clear. The answer I want is an honest one, whenever I ask a question. I probe to understand better those around me. Even if we disagree, you're not required to change your mind. But when I push, it's because I believe it's something worth at least thinking about.
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I have begun making peace with what I am and what I exist to do, though it's uncomfortable to do. I know such a thing is disturbing or offensive to others, but it doesn't change what I was made for, what's written into my blood. There.. is a point where I could keep struggling against it, and let denial and misery break me as I fail to reach the dividing line between myself and humanity, or ...
[He shrugs, but it hurts more than it's a dismissal. Caduceus is the first to hear him actually speak of trying to accept being a monster instead of resisting. There's mercy to be found in peace with oneself, maybe the only peace he'll ever have. It was heartening to know there was a way to kill him, far enough down the line, when he finished what he needed to do. When he was ready.]
Or I accept I never will be, stop allowing others to try to encourage me to pursue the impossible, and focus on what I can do something about. If I can prevent others from getting hurt I think I can be content with that.
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I had a similar conversation with a young man months ago who also defined himself in a way that some might find uncomfortable, and what I shared then seemed to give him comfort, so perhaps it may help you as well. To start with: in my world, my kind are known as firbolgs, fey-giants. Giants are monsters.
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In my planet you'd be a monster simply because you're huge and pink.
[It had taken him months to come to terms with the idea of intelligent nonhuman species, really come to terms with it. Not just rate them on 'this might be an exception, this individual is fine' but really accept that entire other races could be both not human, and not rampaging evil beasts. It did not yet apply to himself.]
I .. don't know if your planet treats monsters the way mine does or if it's ... just another way to describe a person. Can I ask for more context..?
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Certainly. A lot of it depends on location and behaviour. In the wider world, there are several sentient species who live wild and violent lives, attacking all who cross their paths, stealing from or even devouring humans and the like. Some can be reasoned with, paid off, or threatened into leaving well enough alone. Some kill indiscriminately, and are in turn killed like beasts. I've killed giants who would have otherwise killed me. I have met fellow firbolgs who lived isolated and away from society, and some who have found a home for themselves in cities, doing good business with anyone who wishes to buy their wares.
[You know what, he's just gonna make some tea. This conversation's been kind of rough.]
In Xhorhas, many creatures that would otherwise be considered monsters live in their own cities, tribes, and territories. They're treated like any other person of a more socially accepted species might be. If treated with courtesy and respect, they just might do the same to you.
[He smiles calmly; the topic is somewhat grim, but it does have a point.]
Monsters can be good, they can be bad. They can mind their own business if allowed to do so. "Monster", or "weapon"... they're just words. Beyond our physical state, it doesn't define us. If I'm a monster, I choose to be one who helps people.
[In other words, he does approve of Sephiroth's thought process, even if some of his efforts are... flawed. He's figuring things out, Caduceus can respect that.]
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Would it be like Caduceus' world, where there's dozens of species and civilizations, all struggling to live in the same place?]
...And what of your kind of giant? Are .. firbolgs ..? A peaceful breed by and large or one of the ones that tend towards violence? You don't, it seems.
[Other places had different species. His neighbors were raccoons, and they shared tea with him occasionally if he chose to be social. They wore clothes, they worked, they cooked, they acted exactly like humans.. if humans were two feet tall and raccoons.
But they don't belong on Gaia.]
All other species like that are long gone on my planet. It's only aggressive monsters, and humans. It just ... doesn't work that way there. My kind of monster are not.. the kind that can be good or bad. A disease is just a disease.
[Even if there were other species, he'd still be a virus.]
With some luck I will remain a person enough to resist that instinct, and remain merely a monster that chooses to not destroy a world.
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[He shrugs. People don't scream and run at the sight of a firbolg, admittedly, so in that sense he has it easy. Curious caution or dismissal is more the norm. But to some, a giant is still a giant. (Or a half-giant, or a fey-giant, what-have-you.)]
Diseases typically don't have sentience, or free will. They're little things built to follow instinct, do what they're meant to do. If you're a disease, then much in the way that we monsters can choose to be good, you can also choose to do no harm. And if that's how you've decided to identify yourself, and it might bring you some peace, I'll support you.
[Self-identity shouldn't come hand in hand with self-flagellation, or giving up. Monsters can love themselves.]
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