steepwithdead | Contact Post

you're the guy with the breathing techniques, right? because if you are i could really use some solid advice, because the breathing thing has been great.

Yes, that's me. Caduceus. This is Till, yes?

oh shit, yeah forgot to say who i was. yeah.

so remember i told you about that dead friend? well... he's here and alive and i need some serious advice.

Ah. [Goodness gracious is the word. Not that revivals are unheard of where he's from, of course, but he does know it's unusual. There's many reasons his home is full of occupied graves rather than empty ones.] I can imagine you're feeling quite a lot right now.

yeah... a lot of them. so like, here's the main problem. we don't communicate well and it feels worse than ever since we arrived and there's a lot of emotions and hurt and all kinds of things making it worse. but he talks like logic and numbers and i talk emotions and colors. i want to find a middle ground.

[Sure coming out of the gates swinging with this one.]

Are either of you good at compromise?

i'm willing to and i feel like he would be? we're both stubborn but i think we both want to... make this better, you know? we just keep hurting each other trying though

Is this something you would prefer to settle one on one, or would having a mediator help?

you're oddly the second person to offer that. is that normal? to have people like mediate conversations like that?

Normal enough that it's standard for peace treaties, I've come to understand. Plenty of people have trouble communicating in the same way. Sometimes it helps to have someone neutral who can step in and help both sides.

huh, okay cool. i'll bring it up to him and see if he's down.

it just feels like everytime we start to get somewhere we end up crashing and burning. i'm just really tired of fucking hurting him all the time. it feels like i can't do anything right. it pisses me off/

I imagine things are still so raw for the both of you that talking about anything would feel difficult. It's going to take time before you're comfortable again. Death always leaves baggage and powerful emotions on both sides.

In what way are you hurting him?

I hate that what you said just now makes sense. I want it to just be okay again, but I can't stop having nightmares...

He blurts out something hurtful to me so I usually either lash back verbally or retreat from him. I think the like retreat hurts him more but I do it because I'm hurting and I don't want to explode everytime. The breathing stuff has helped.

But yeah, it's like we unintentionally keep saying shit that hurts the other.

I think it's good to leave the conversation if you believe your only other option in the moment is to be hurtful. However, it's also important to revisit the topic later, when you have a cooler head.

Have you told him that's why you retreat?

no, guess i haven't. i didn't even really think that's why i did that. i thought i did it because... i was a coward or something. i mean i know i did it to not explode, but...

he called me sexy and i kind of bolted.

[....

oh no.
it's a sex thing.]

Perhaps you need something like a safe word.

safe word?

Yes. An agreed-upon word or phrase, something quick and easy to remember even in a more heated moment, that tells the other person "stop" or "pause" without having to fully explain until you're ready.

Apparently it's meant to be used in more romantic situations, but I thought it was a brilliant idea that could work in any situation involving more delicate communication.

[He has learned so much traveling with Jester, this is super not his wheelhouse, but the COMMUNICATION aspect is so good.]

this isn't romantic. i mean might be one sided? but... if friends and family can do that then, okay.

yeah okay i can toss the idea at him. we can make a safe word. so like any word?

I think it's meant to be a word not usually spoken in conversation. Like a rare colour or a fruit. Think of something neither of you would say under typical circumstances.

um....begonia.

they mean caution, consideration, and a silent warning

Sounds like the perfect word, then. And who doesn't like flowers.

[It's none of his business, really, but he approves anyway. He likes flowers.]

cool. if we decide to use one i'll go with that.

thanks

You're very welcome. I hope it helps.

And if you need anything else, you can always ask. I'm happy to lend an ear.

text || un: rockstar

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