[yeah he was kind of hoping that would happen sir and then cloud could come back to this in the morning and go haha sorry that was me sleep texting everything's fine
alas]
But What do I do then
[Because what Cad's saying sounds so smart. It sounds like it should make so much sense, and it does, in an abstract way. In a way that Cloud just can't see applying to himself, not when he has no idea what to do about how he feels. If he can't throw engine degreaser down his throat and he can't storm into the nearest school and try to kill Thirteen until he manages it, what can he do?]
Confront the hate. You say you can't help it, feeling what you feel, but that's defeatist. Not because its existence implies those you love could be wrong about you, but because you know in your heart its existence is wrong. Drinking's hiding from the truth, which is: your hate's a fight you think is too hard to win. Kicking the can down the road. Stop that. It belongs in the trash. The real fight is learning how to make yourself pick it up.
[Sorry Cad, you get the 'read' treatment. It's not malicious but Cloud-
Yeah.
Next session, he doesn't even bring it up. And if Cad doesn't either, well, all the better for him to avoid looking into that dark, dark place that he's been far too many times in a life as short as his.]
no subject
alas]
But
What do I do then
[Because what Cad's saying sounds so smart. It sounds like it should make so much sense, and it does, in an abstract way. In a way that Cloud just can't see applying to himself, not when he has no idea what to do about how he feels. If he can't throw engine degreaser down his throat and he can't storm into the nearest school and try to kill Thirteen until he manages it, what can he do?]
no subject
You say you can't help it, feeling what you feel, but that's defeatist. Not because its existence implies those you love could be wrong about you, but because you know in your heart its existence is wrong. Drinking's hiding from the truth, which is: your hate's a fight you think is too hard to win. Kicking the can down the road. Stop that. It belongs in the trash. The real fight is learning how to make yourself pick it up.
What do you hate about yourself?
no subject
I don't think
I wanna talk about this
no subject
no subject
Yeah.
Next session, he doesn't even bring it up. And if Cad doesn't either, well, all the better for him to avoid looking into that dark, dark place that he's been far too many times in a life as short as his.]
no subject
FELL BACK ASLEEP
yeah this one's going in your file, buddy. Big mental red circles, though he won't force it as he said. He's keeping an eye out.]