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Ah... many. So many. [He's been blessed in that way, and the question makes him smile fondly.] She helped to guide me down the right path, when I was unsure. She gave me dreams to prepare me for my journey. Friends, to help me save my family. And now she gives me power to protect them, so that I can repay the debt I owe to them. She brought me back, when I died.

[It's a difficult thing to explain, in truth. For one so deeply seated in his faith, so intertwined with her presence in his life, it's difficult for him to name a good thing in his life that wasn't touched by the Wildmother in some way.]

[What was he expecting to hear?

It's impossible to not think of the grand deal his life had been drawn into, to think of Ren and his guide and his friends, with his attendants and his endless persona - What a gift it must be, to be favored by the gods enough that even death means so little?

Akechi is uncharacteristically quiet after that answer comes, idly adjusting his gloves and playing with the hem of his long-sleeved shirt. Still, it doesn't fully escape the boy that the quiet between him and Caduceus doesn't feel strained or awkward. It's not unlike how it feels around Ren these days, somehow full even without words.]

I believe that I understand. [As well as he may ever be able to.] When you have felt a presence over your entire life, the emptiness you feel here must be unbearable.

It's... a strange thing to complain about. I know I'm very lucky, have been for most of my life. There are many people whose suffering outweighs my own, many times over.

[His gaze shifts sideways to Akechi, but he doesn't say it. The young man doesn't need a callout, may not want the sympathy (may even consider it pity). But he knows. And Akechi knows.]

Yet, it isn't a competition. What I feel is what I feel, and all wounds need to be felt, and treated, no matter how small. I'm... very grateful to you, for reaching out. These things can be hard to process alone. Never been very good at that.

[Being alone, that is. He almost drowned in it, when his family was gone from his life for so long. He'd only held it together with the presence of the Wildmother, and the hope that some sign would come for him... things he can't lean on so easily, here.]

[It's such a strange conversation to have, nearly a year after his breakdown in the engine room, spitting venom and lashing out and begging to be wanted by just one person. It's hard to believe he's the same teenager from then, able to see how loved others were without immediately flying into a jealous rage. It doesn't feel good exactly, but it's easier to handle after his death.

It's too late for him, so why should he bother getting upset over the unfairness of his life? A little affection isn't going to save Goro Akechi anymore.]

It's hardly your fault that you were chosen. [The look directed his way may set his skin prickling, but Akechi brushes it off without flinching. After all of this time, he's aware that Caduceus isn't exactly looking at him with pity, sentimental and sad though it may be. Better it remains unspoken between them.] You're like Amamiya in that regards. Lucky. [And loved.] And I can think of no other two more deserving of it.

[And that is all he's possible of saying about that. Akechi's not quite ready to dissect any of those emotions any deeper just yet.]

It was nothing. I was there when you fell. I wanted to be certain you were well in the aftermath. None of this is easy, but a shared burden is halved.

It isn't nothing. [Caduceus smiles gently, shaking his head.] Call it whatever else you like, but accept the credit of your own kindness. You didn't have to, and you did. That's quite a lot of something, actually.

[He'll accept that he's lucky, that he's loved. He knows this. He'll accept that, perhaps, his life and history is difficult to hear about for someone who has had little of what he's indulged plenty of throughout his life. That isn't such a strange thing, with the company he's kept in the year prior to his arrival here, and even among many of the company he's gained since his time in this world began.

He will not, however, accept a dismissal of kindness. Someone who hasn't had the chance to experience much of it, demonstrating it so freely, should be recognized. Kindness is (to him) its own reward, but that doesn't mean enthusiastic gratitude isn't an important step after the fact.]

[Kindness? Him? That can't possibly be right. Whatever kindness he may have once possessed, it's just one of the many pieces of Goro Akechi that was choked by the poison within him.]

Whatever.

[Still, he doesn't care to argue with the man more than he already has, not when Caduceus only just returned to life.]

Is there anything else you need? I have plans for the rest of the afternoon. [to brood in his bedroom, thank you]

[He won't press. Akechi doesn't have to believe him, but it's nice that he doesn't deny it. Caduceus just smiles and accepts the dismissal.]

No, no. That's plenty, thank you. Consider yourself free of me. [His tone is playful, but he still adds, very importantly,] For now.

[Akechi hates that little playful promise - threat - leaves him huffing to himself, just the tiniest sliver of amusement hiding in his soft laugh.]

For now.

[And he'll give the man one last look before leaving him be.]

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